Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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