My hand turned me down
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
