I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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