i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
