It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
