dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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