VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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