just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
