and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
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I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
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we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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