i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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