finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize