I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
