hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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