U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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