I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
