Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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