I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
