Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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