i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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