i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
