Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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