i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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