mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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