you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
