i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
