Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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