I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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