I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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