We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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