$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
