we have officially mastered the walk of shame
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
