Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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