mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
only if we run a train.
done.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
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