The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
