her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
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Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
did you just send me my own nude
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I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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