butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
