I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I wear drunk well.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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