After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
