My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
