I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
wakey wakey hands off snakey
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
