She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
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Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
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Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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