I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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