we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
