...so i touched it.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
