dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
