if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
