i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Can I color on your dick again?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
