bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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