I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
