Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
