I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Randomize
