I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i think i have herpe
just one?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
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