I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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