i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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