it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
