i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
